We always read about befriending the ego, but what about the ego befriending awareness? When we say, “befriending the ego,” it is implied that our true self / buddha nature / awareness / higher power is befriending the ego.
I recently experienced the opposite though: the voice inside my head that I regard as my ego became friendly toward the space within us that exists, the layer before, or superseding, the voice, the thing that is hearing the voice in my head; awareness.
I did not know this possibility existing, so it was beyond my control to create this moment. This is a perfect example of the fruits of practice becoming ripe for picking when we least expect it.
I was sharing with a friend the break through describe above along with a couple of profound insights I’d gained in the last couple of weeks when he asked, “What are you doing to gain these insights? Meditating, journalling, sitting in nature…?” I responded by informing him that they arise in the least expected environments and moments in time.
This begins to get at a vital difference between “being” and “trying to be.” An example is the difference between meditating and trying to meditate. But I’ll try not to deviate too much here.
The frustration and helplessness I feel toward my neighbour downstairs, the DJ who plays music in the middle of the night with substantial bass on the least ideal of nights (e.g. Sunday night / Monday early morning before starting to teach a new course in a new semester) has been my centre / object of meditation when practicing Metta at 3 AM because that’s my best shot at cooling down enough (literally and figuratively) to go back to sleep.
The only reason it came naturally to me to practice Metta in that dire situation is because of the practice I put in during my regular waking life. But when practice happens in its regular scheduled hour, I have no idea that the aforementioned situation/practice will come as a result of the daily disciplined practice.
But this is where it gets super interesting: I practiced Metta in my dream the following night. I remember it so vividly still. My neighbour was literally the heart of my practice in my dream; he was in the middle of a womb-like structure, looking and feeling the most peaceful I have ever witnessed him. My subconscious loves him more than my conscious self does. It was truly psychedelic because consciousness has been altered by this dream ever since.
I’m convinced that this Metta session in dream mode was a result of the daily meditation sits, a result is far from being on my mind because I could not fathom such a payoff from the practice.
Practice always pays off, just not as we expect it. Trust the process.
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