It was during two periods of time this year that I was extremely jealous of the Energizer Bunny. Pandemic summers have treated me very well, but to get there we have to endure the awkward transition in weather conditions that come with spring. The state of environment limits me to one hour tops of walking and the occasional forced half-hour biking session. Coupled with a lack of sunshine, it was a real struggle to find sustained energy during spring pandemic-edition.
The second period of impossibly low energy for over two weeks was when I was preparing for my move to Montreal. A couple of heat waves and the only places to hang out in my apartment were a mattress on the floor and a rug, both perpetually dusty as furniture and belongings were constantly disappearing in boxes or to eager Kijiji customers.
I refuse to assign a label to these seemingly identical moments in time in terms of my energy level, because I’ve tried to before and noticed it leads to a tendency to generalize the experiences and see them less clearly, but that’s a topic for another time. All of this said, there was an obvious depressive tendency that broke through in both instances, which was my desire to keep sleeping because that was more tolerable that being awake in the aforementioned environments.
The worst part of these times was that I seemingly could not increase my energy level. I tried to increase my energy by either exercising, meditating, reading inspiring philosophical ideas, or socializing as much as I could given the social restrictions at the time. In turn, I lost what little of it I had remaining.I was at the mercy of life, meaning the external environment and even the biological reality that meant my body could not create energy out of thin air.
The first lesson I learned from these encounters with reality was the lack of control we truly have and the inevitability that everything in life comes and goes in ebbs and flows. Also the ephemerality of our health and our existence, that the surest thing is that we will one day die.
Learning about this humbling lack of control leads to the second lesson of learning to let go. If we cannot control, then grappling onto life must be the equivalent of strangling someone we love. Let it go, let it breathe and then choose to join the ride of the flow of energy…or don’t.
Synonymous with letting go is acceptance. By accepting that there will be times where energy forces us to not be productive according to our high standards conditioned into us by the modern societies for the benefit of the economy, the negativity of feeling useless or not worthy of love is removed. Instead, reframing such moments as indicators that we are nearing a special new chapter in life that will bring on an upsurge of energy can help us accept the current phase we’re in and do what our body and mind are now forcing us to do: rest. These experiences are humbling in the best way, as they serve as a strong reminder of our mortality and that we are not invincible, all the while reminding us that more life is on the other side of this required rest.
